When we think “women”, we think “beauty”, “obedience” and “grace”— values hard-drilled into our minds. For as long as patriarchy existed, women are expected to attain this level of perfection to be deserving of respect.
Those who fail hide their imperfections, as feelings of inadequacy diminish their self-esteem day by day.
That is, until a woman decides to embrace her imperfections instead.
With that, we’ve interviewed five creators to share their experiences with low self-esteem and overcoming insecurities.
Read on to learn how they’ve emerged as the inspiring women they are today—
@bitterandsour
Which traits of yours have led you to have self-esteem issues in the past?
I used to constantly compare myself to others, and feel as if I have little control over my life. In the past, I felt incapable of creating changes within myself and powerless to fix my problems.
Back then, how did that affect your life?
My self-esteem took a hit when I was comparing myself unfavourably, especially to people on social media. I’d often worry about making wrong choices, doubt my own opinions, and end up catering to what others think instead of sticking to my decisions.
How did you come to terms with your imperfections and embrace them?
I took a big step in taking care of myself “more”. I began reminding myself to care about and look for the things I can do to show kindness towards myself. I also worked on accepting who I am and recognising that I am worthy of love, from both myself and others. I learnt to let go of the idea that I need to be perfect in order to have value.
Another idea I’ve adopted that has helped me is to “value myself”, where I spend time thinking about what I’ve accomplished, the things I take pride in, until I start to appreciate my talents and worth without relying on comparisons.
How has your life changed since?
I became who I am. Being different from everyone else, even just a little bit, isn’t a negative thing. Instead, this is what makes me unique.
Like, I would never have done a menstrual cup demonstration during a live show in the past. I think these changes happened when I learnt that there’s something special about imperfection. My imperfection along with my strengths are part of the reason why people are drawn to me.
What would you like to say to other women who struggle with accepting their imperfections?
You don’t need to be better to be able to value yourself, but learning to value yourself will surely help you work towards your goals. Think about what you’re good at, do what makes you feel good, and spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself. Celebrate your accomplishments, both big and small.
@dianafariza
Which traits of yours have led you to have self-esteem issues in the past?
After pregnancy and giving birth, I had trouble accepting that my body is never going to be the same again. Gaining 25kg during pregnancy was something I have never expected, especially since I was the heaviest I’ve been my whole life.
Back then, how did that affect your life?
I used to cry just looking at all the marks at places I never thought I’d see them, and at how fragile my skin was even though I’ve tried almost everything to avoid it from happening. I didn’t like what I was seeing in the mirror and I spent so much money trying all kinds of treatments I could think of to get rid of it.
How did you come to terms with your imperfections and embrace them?
It took such a long time for me to understand that self-love is the best kind of love and definitely the most important. I know that these marks are what makes me, ME. They represent the journey of how I became a mom, and I love being a mom. Stretch marks are normal and beautiful, they should be called beauty marks instead!
How has your life changed since?
I began to look at people differently, and I know not everyone is perfect so I practice body positivity. I stopped caring about what other people think of me, particularly how my body should look like. So what if I’m a little heavy than I used to be, and that I have these marks? So what if I have imperfections that I could never get rid of? I’m human, I’m a woman, I’m a mom, and I love how I look. I’m comfortable in my own skin, I love my body and I love myself even more.
What would you like to say to other women who struggle with accepting their imperfections?
Just remember everyone has their own insecurities, and everyone is struggling differently, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Focus on the things you love and make you happy. Love yourself first, and let your inner confidence shine through!
@julenekhor_
请问您以前是为了什么⽽经历了缺乏⾃信的低潮？
Which traits of yours have led you to have self-esteem issues in the past?
要说缺乏⾃信的时候应该是很久很久以前，暗恋⼀位优秀同学的那个时期吧，哈哈。 可能是那同学学业⽐我好，也不同科系，会感觉好像不在同⼀个世界。那时候会自我怀疑，觉得是不是⾃⼰外表不好看、不⾜够优秀等等才没得到那同学的⻘睐。超缺乏⾃信⼼的。
My low self-esteem phase was a long-long time ago, when I had a crush on an exceptional classmate. He had better grades than me and was in a different course, so it felt like we were both in different worlds. I’d thought that he didn’t notice me because I wasn’t attractive or accomplished enough, and these led to me having self-doubts. I had such low confidence then.
那个低潮如何影响了您当时的⽣活？
Back then, how did that affect your life?
它激励了我学习如果变得更优秀。
其实身边家⼈朋友的⿎励也很重要。那时候我还记得有向他们诉苦，他/她们反⽽给我很⼤的⿎励说：你已经很棒 、你⽐其他⼈还优秀了呀、不是你的个⼈问题等，但同时，这个低潮有在提醒着我，是时候“审核”⾃⼰，需要在什么⽅⾯让⾃⼰成⻓，并更加进步。
It provoked me to learn how to improve myself.
Having the encouragement of friends and family is important too— I remember confiding in them about this and they’d hype me up instead, telling me: you’re good enough, the problem is not you personally, etc. but this rut did remind me to reflect on myself, and “assess” the aspects I could improve and grow myself.
您是怎样接受了⾃⼰的”不完美"，并⾛出了低潮？
How did you come to terms with your imperfections and embrace them?
“审核”⾃⼰的期间，也有可能我本身是⾃我要求也蛮⾼的⼈，所以那时候我就想办法让⾃⼰的⽣活更丰富，不要去思考让⾃⼰不⾃信 低潮的感觉。
我开始培养运动的习惯、约朋友爬⼭运动、去了书局买了知识类的书籍来看、学习厨艺、学习穿搭、扩⼤交友圈、学会发现⾃⼰的兴趣爱好是什么，然后再加强去培养它们。只要是能增强⾃信的 我都会去实践。
我是属于⽐较正能量的⼈ 所以那些低潮也没持续太久。
When I was self-reflecting, I’ve thought up ways to enrich my lifestyle, and avoid dwelling on feeling unconfident and languishing— I guess it’s because I have rather high expectations for myself.
I started to exercise, hike with friends, read self-enriching books, learn to cook and style outfits, expand my social circle, and discover my interests, then cultivate them. As long as it helps with my confidence level, I’d do it.
Then again, I’m also a generally optimistic person, so I didn’t get stuck in this rut for too long.
之后，您的⼈⽣产⽣了什么改变？
How has your life changed since?
多姿多彩的⽣活会让⼈⼀整个⼼情都会变好呢！
我也是和朋友在运动爬⼭的时候认识了我的“知⾳”，遇⻅了跟我⼀样优秀的⼈哈哈哈（⾃信⼼回来了）。我男朋友⽐我还要⾃律呢！哈哈。
认识兴趣相投的另⼀半真的很重要。所以姐妹们 还不赶快拓展你⾃⼰的兴趣！多点去参加活动，不⾃信的感觉⼀下就不⻅了呢！
Having a vibrant lifestyle can definitely improve one’s mood!
It’s also through hiking that I met my soulmate, who’s someone as amazing as I am! (Clearly, my confidence is back) My boyfriend’s even more disciplined than I am too! Haha.
It’s important that we meet a significant other with similar interests. So, my sisturs, it’s high time you expand your interests! Put yourself out there and join activities you’d love. In no time, your unconfident feelings would disappear!
对其他还对难以接受⾃⼰的”不完美"的⼥⽣，您想对她们说什么？
What would you like to say to other women who struggle with accepting their imperfections?
培养⾃⼰的兴趣爱好很重要！ 运动呀，打球呀，画画呀，插花呀，那些过程在让你完成你的作品的同时还会给你带来成就感，这样⾃信⼼⼀下就来了，哈哈。
亲爱的⼥孩们，世上没有所谓很完美的⼈，所以要学会爱⾃⼰，并接受不完美的⾃⼰。我觉得不要太压抑⾃⼰，不要总是追求太完美。学会放过⾃⼰，得先从与⾃⼰和解开始。⼀旦坦然接受⾃⼰的不完美，恭喜你，你已经⻓⼤了 ❤
然后再⼀起悄悄努⼒变更优秀的⼈吧！
It’s really important to cultivate your interests and hobbies! Whether it’s working out, sports, drawing or floristry, not only do these processes allow you to create something, but they also bring forth a sense of fulfilment, which instantly boosts your confidence too. Haha.
To my dear girls out there, there’s no such thing as a perfect person, so learn to love and accept the imperfect you. Don’t be too hard on yourself, and don’t always chase after perfection; learn to let yourself go by reconciling with yourself. Once you’ve opened up to embracing your imperfections, congratulations, you’re all grown up ❤
Then, let’s secretly build on ourselves and become even better people!
@aidaherwan
Which traits of yours have led you to have self-esteem issues in the past?
Being the eldest in the family has always been a challenge, especially when facing my parents. There are high expectations and a need to be the best example to your siblings.
Back then, how did that affect your life?
Being constantly stressed and having breakdowns made me feel like I’d never be good enough. I was always pushing myself over the limit, thinking I can’t fail.
How did you come to terms with your imperfections and embrace them?
I learnt that everybody makes mistakes. You’ll never be good enough if you keep fixating on your imperfections. I learnt to appreciate myself more and to take it one step at a time. Love should always start from within.
How has your life changed since?
I’m no longer scared to try new things and take on challenges without feeling like I’m being judged.
I also realised that everything that happened has shaped me into the woman I am today. *pats shoulder*
What would you like to say to other women who struggle with accepting their imperfections?
If you live to please others, everyone will love you except yourself.
When I loved myself enough, I began leaving out whatever that isn’t healthy, like false beliefs and bad habits—anything that kept me small. Always take care of yourself first!
@chuhui_fish
请问您以前是为了什么⽽经历了缺乏⾃信的低潮？
Which traits of yours have led you to have self-esteem issues in the past?
缺乏自信其实是常有的事。以前在电台工作的时候，可能因为声音或是咬字问题被听众投诉，或者做content的时候经常面对流量很差的问题。很多时候都会觉得自己好像什么都做不好，一直处在半天吊的状态，不知道什么时候才可以做得好。就会经常自我怀疑，陷入低潮。
My confidence drops now and then. Whether it’s the complaints I get about my voice when I worked in radio, or the low views garnered from the content I made, I’d often feel like I can’t do anything right and get stuck in a rut. I’d keep doubting myself until my self-esteem hits a low point.
那个低潮如何影响了您当时的⽣活？
Back then, how did that affect your life?
就是心情会很差吧。很容易会想哭，什么都不想做，不想面对工作，就很想躲起来。当心情不快乐的时候，生活就会很难过得好～
My mood turned for the worse. I felt like crying all the time. I didn’t want to face work nor do anything else, and I wanted to like hide instead. When one is in low spirits, it’s quite hard to live well, as well.
您是怎样接受了⾃⼰的”不完美"，并⾛出了低潮？
How did you come to terms with your imperfections and embrace them?
心态的转变吧。我现在一直都跟我的followers们说：我们不需要完美，尽量美就好。其实低潮是走了又来，来了又走的，不会真的永远走出来，总会发生一些让我们怀疑自己的时候，主要是要找到造成你现在低潮的真正的原因，然后去面对它，即使那是自己的黑暗面。
低潮来的时候不要抗拒它，要容许低落情绪的存在，并好好问自己为了什么而低落，找出原因，接受它，接受自己的任何情绪，再去面对它，就可以了。
I guess my mindset changed. Now, I’ll always tell my followers: we don’t need to be perfect, we just need our best. I realised our confidence fluctuates from time to time— we can’t stay in tip-top shape forever, so we’re bound to experience self-doubt once in a while. What’s important is to find out the real reason behind your low self-esteem, and face it, even if what caused it was your dark thoughts.
When those feelings come, don’t resist. Allow yourself to feel sad, and take the time to ask yourself why you feel that way. Find out what caused it, then accept it, accept the emotions it brings, face it, and you’re good to go.
之后，您的⼈⽣产⽣了什么改变？
How has your life changed since?
其实也不是人生的改变，只是心态变了，很多事情也会跟着不一样。比较容易感受到快乐，比较懂得珍惜身边的一切，比较懂得跟自己相处，懂得把自己的情绪照顾好。
我一直都相信，懂得跟自己相处，就会更懂得跟别人相处。自己也会更快乐。
Rather than my life, it’s more like my mindset changed, so everything else followed. It’s easier to experience happiness now, and I’m better at being grateful for what’s around me. I’m also better at spending time with myself and managing my emotions.
I’ve always believed that being okay with your own company allows you to accompany others better. You will also be happier.
对其他还对难以接受⾃⼰的”不完美"的⼥⽣，您想对她们说什么？
What would you like to say to other women who struggle with accepting their imperfections?
你很正常，因为世界上根本没有完美的人。但是如果有什么你无法接受的自己，那就去改变。嘴巴讲着无法接受，但是没有去改变，那也是徒劳。让自己变好，也是自己的责任。如果你觉得现在的一切很舒适你不想改变，那就不需要改变。改变与否，调整到你自己觉得舒适为止。人生在世，最重要舒适。
You’re normal, because there’s no such thing as a perfect person. But if there’s anything about yourself you’d like to change, take action. It’s futile if you’re all talk and no action, as improving yourself is your responsibility. If you feel comfortable as is, then there’s no need to conform. Whether you choose to take action or not, your life should eventually feel comfortable to you. Living should be to your utmost comfort, after all.
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Whether it’s through introspection or physical actions, the act of self-acceptance, imperfections and all, is revolutionary. The confidence you reclaim for yourself ignites hope within other women, empowering them to live by their standards— an act that revolts against unequal societal values.
These may seem small, but didn’t we make huge leaps in feminist history, because of women who decided to live true to themselves?
Thanks to Sonia, Diana, Julene, Aida and Fish for sharing their stories and profound insights. As much as they have inspired us, we hope they have instilled a spark within you too.